The Zap - the site the Chinese government is currently using as its home page

Saturday, July 31, 2004


My bedtime is now officially 3:30am. I fear that this may be a problem. Must get it sorted. Tried setting my alarm for 11am, just slept through it. Getting a bit annoying, wasting half of what most people consider to be the day away. Got my copies of 'Fermat's Last Theorem' and 'A Brief History of Time' out now, so I'll try harder next week. I am aware that that makes no sense, however I do tend to base my life on flawed logic that I can only make sense of in my head and then fail to get across to anybody else, so I'm not too bothered.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

From light fittings to deodorant

Everything's fucking up! My light fitting's got 3 sockets - one takes no current (dunno why), so inevitably another one takes too much. So I've got one bulb that won't work at all, and another that just blows, which leaves me with one bulb. One 40W bulb to light a whole fucking room! I think not. So dark :(

Then a few days ago I go to get some anti-perspirant deodorant, but they don't have the one I usually use, so I just get this "Simple" one. Simple? "Shit" would be more appropriate (yeah, there's probably a really witty joke in there, but it's like 1 in the morning). I come out the shower, dry off, put it on... an hour later I'm sweating like a pig and stinking like shit. Seriously, why? Why the fuck do places sell this shit? Never hear of business ethics?!  

Friday, July 23, 2004

Elbow pain

My elbow really, really hurts. I'm thinking that it's repetitive strain injury from playing guitar. But maybe not. Feels like it's been twisted or something.

PS: no one's reading this, are they?

Thursday, July 22, 2004


Why won't it go away?

Monday, July 19, 2004

Sleep/sick thing

I've got Brazil in some Copa America sweepstakes, so I stayed up to watch them in their quarter-final against Mexico last night. According to the Copa America website the kick-off was 1:30am GMT. So I thought, "That's okay. I haven't been getting to bed until gone 3 lately anyway." So I go downstair around 2 to watch it (got distracted by people on msn) only to find that it didn't in fact kick off until 2:30. However, having stayed up that late to watch it, I thought I might as well go for it anyway. So I watch a cracking match, made all the better for Brazil slaughtering Mexico with a 4-0 victory, but I didn't get to bed until 4:15. I woke up about 1:15pm, but now I feel really crappy :(.

Friday, July 16, 2004


On a bit of a low at the moment. As you may have noticed, I have changed the theme of my blog to something stupidly boring to reflect this. More changes may be imminent as well, as I continue the search for a more reliable server - I may even get my own site! I'll keep you posted...
I thought that after making my university decision (see entry entitled "University decision!") I wouldn't have too much to worry about, but since I've always got something to worry about, I probably should have known better. I have so much work to do, and that is not a good thought to have only a week into the holidays. A week, maybe a couple of weeks before the end it's only natural, but one week in?! Nooooooooo. And it's not like I'm just thinking about it when I've got nothing to do. Out with my friends, having a good time, then suddenly it hits me how much shit I've got to go through over the next seven weeks. Just to recap, I have to learn to program, write some programs, read "A Brief History of Time", read "Thermat's Last Theorem", read a few old issues of "New Scientist" (I DON'T DO READING!!!), write 1000 words for AEA Physics, answer 5 questions on circular motion and SHM for normal Physics, answer more questions on SHM for mechanics (okay, the circular motion and SHM questions aren't that bad, but they don't help!) and work my way through as many of about 500 Oxbridge maths questions as I can. And why must I do all this? Just to give myself the slightest, tiniest little chance of getting an offer from Cambridge.
But it doesn't stop there. Oh no. Okay, probably some slight exaggeration on the teeny, tiny front. If I do all that work, I've probably got quite a good chance of getting an offer. But I don't know that I want to. As I said, I've probably got quite a good chance, and if I do get into Cambridge then it could make the rest of my life so much easier with regards to jobs, so it's an opportunity that I really shouldn't pass up. But... if I do get an offer, and then assuming I get the grades, life is just going to be soooo hard for the next four years or so. And I don't really want to do that work, I just want to get a Cambridge degree! Having said that, I do really like Cambridge, and I do think I'd enjoy the CompSci course there to a certain extent. On the other hand, if I don't get an offer, I'm going to feel so depressed after doing all that work in an effort to get the offer, and I'll probably just be like "well fuck university". So if I apply to Cambridge and don't get an offer, I'll probably end up not going to university at all, because I'll be pissed off with the whole system. But that would be really stupid, because everyone goes to university nowadays, and if I don't I'll just look like a complete muppet. And I might never get a decent job. So applying to Cambridge is a massive risk because it could mess me up, whether I get an offer or not. But I want to apply because it's such a great opportunity. So it's lose-lose. Then again, if I'm even considering not going to uni, maybe uni's not the right place for me. But if it's not the right place for me, one of the allegedly "clever people", then who is it the right place for? Maybe hardly anyone belongs there and they're all just going with convention? Or maybe the alternatives are just that stupid. Maybe following my dreams and getting some shitty, low-paid job in advertising or journalism, straight out of school, without a degree, and attempting to work my way up the ladder is such a high risk move that I'd be a madman to do it, and that's why everyone ends up at university. So there you go. Another risk to add to the mix. It's all risk, risk, risk.
End of story yet? No, of course not. Because with everything being a huge risk, the chances of everyone who said I would amount to nothing being proved right are quite high. Which would fuck me up even more. Then there's the thinking about this shit the whole time, which basically means that I'm too scared to go to bed at night because I don't want to be left alone with my thoughts. Which ends up with me sitting at my PC till 3 o'clock in the morning, until I'm so tired that I can barely hold my head up. Which leaves me thinking that I'm just a loser who sits at his PC all night, surfing the net. Which I am :(. Then there's all the other shit that I have to go through, i.e. the default depression, paranoia, etc, along with thinking about the reasons for them, which all adds up to me being not a happy bunny. A very confused, not happy bunny :(.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

University decision!

Well I think, and I could easily change my mind again, that I'm going to apply to do Computer Science at Cambridge rather than Maths and Philosophy at Oxford. I really did not like Oxford at all, and the fact that the CompSci course is only 3 yrs long as opposed to the 4 yr Maths/Philo course kind of made up my mind. Plus I can also do a Philosophy Tripos at Cambridge after a couple of years of CompSci. I think. It says in the prospectus that you can combine courses, giving Maths as an example of one you can switch from to do Philosophy, but it also says that not all combinations are feasible. Probably not a great idea to try and find out now considering the recent confusion that I've only just resolved. Now all I need to do is get an offer...

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Starting point

Well I've decided that there's just too much stuff in my head to struggle with, so I'm unleashing it all* on the wider world. Because that's obviously how the brain works - too much inside, you just empty a bit out. Yep... Maybe I should go on a psychology course? Okay, that's probably the sort of thing I shouldn't be thinking.

*all meaning a small proportion