The Zap - the site the Chinese government is currently using as its home page

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Conversation about speed dating at my halls

Ooh, get me! Blog, blog, blog, blog, blog.

Ellen: So all the girls go to the bar, then the boys swap places with the boys from Hiatt Baker (another hall).
Me: That's a bit sexist.
Ellen: Why?
Me: Why do the boys have to switch halls? Why can't the girls?
Ellen: Oh. It's not sexist, us girls are just too lazy to switch halls.
Me: Exactly. Sexist.
Ellen: I guess.
Me: Yep. I'm going to have to kick another girl in the vagina to redress the balance now.

NME Awards Indie Rave Tour Jesus Christ that's a lot of words

Some girl came up to me and told me she liked my t-shirt and hair. I said "Thanks - that's made my Valentine's Day". She said "Aww!" then gave me a kiss on the cheek. Narcissistic bitch. Who said I wanted a kiss from you? Maybe I actually thought you were quite hideously unattractive - which, as it happens, I DID - and therefore a kiss from you was the last thing I wanted. Ruined my fucking evening, that did.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The amazing story of how I accidentally defrosted the freezer element in my fridge

The thing is, I don't have enough plugs for all my stuff. Well, I would if I could be arsed to plug my iPod charger into the back of my PC, but I can't, so the point is moot. I love that word. Moot. Mooooooooooot. MOOT! Moo, I'm a cow. Anyway, where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, my fridge. So on Monday, I unplugged my phone charger to plug in my printer so I could print off the playlist for my radio show (4 till 6, every Monday, only on BURST. Omg, it's more info!). Then I went off to do said radio show, BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF WHAT WAS ABOUT TO UNFOLD.

I got back to my room at about 7, because my show finishes at 6, and then I have to walk back from the union, and then I have to have dinner, and THEN I have to... actually, that's it. Well, I have to go back to my room to get to my room, but... yeah. So I plug my charger into my phone and it starts charging. "Silly phone!" I thought. "It thinks it's plugged into the mains!" My phone is very silly. Sometimes it doesn't vibrate when it's set to and someone calls, and sometimes it switches off when I'm halfway through talking to someone, and SOMETIMES it doesn't cut me off but it prohibits either me or the other person from hearing anything down the line! LOL! Silly phone! But on this occasion, my phone wasn't being silly. It was just plugged in.

Then it dawned on me that, with my phone charger being plugged in, it could mean only one thing. Well, two things actually. Hmm. I could just go back and edit that. I won't. First thing that it could have meant (or second thing. One of the two things, anyway): I'd unplugged my iPod charger by mistake, when I'd meant to unplug my phone charger. But I thought that was unlikely, because the plug of my iPod charger is white and the plug of my phone charger is black, and I'M NOT FUCKING RETARDED. Lots of caps today. Woo! But I checked, just to make sure, and I was right, so I came away with a lot more confidence in my instincts and decided to never check anything to be certain ever again.

Anyway, now it really could mean only one thing, namely that I'd unplugged my fridge. Which I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to do. You know, 'cause of the food and stuff. So, remembering the promise I'd recently made myself to trust only my instincts, I thought about it for a while and decided that there was nothing in the fridge of any worth. However, I then remembered that there was something not of worth in there but what would be of some inconvenience in a situation like this: ice. Because there's a freezer elements. In my fridge. And there had been ice. Around it. Reneging (<--- word of the day) on my decision to only trust my instincts, I swung open the fridge door to check the damage...



*more tension*


*a bit more tension*

*Almost done.*



*Still reading?*



*Okay, that's it.*

*Just scroll down a bit.*

*Done it?*


It was fine. All the ice had melted but the water had been soaked up by the lettuce I'd had in there, which was coincidentally located on the same side of the fridge as that on which all the ice had accumulated around freezer element, i.e. the left (as you look at the inside of the fridge through the open fridge door; the right if you have x-ray vision and are looking at it through the back). So everything was okay, especially since I'd known for a while that I'd have to defrost it eventually but didn't know how to do so, seeing as I had no drippy thing or tray-y thing or any-y-thing. Except I had to throw the lettuce away. So everything wasn't okay. But it was close enough. Yes. The end.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I think I can pinpoint the exact moment I became disillusioned with the world... when I found out that all my favourite cartoon characters were voiced by women.